I just read a post by one of my favorite bloggers. She is a very inspirational woman, and she has a way of just bringing you in and sharing her life with you. I feel so close to her, even though I don't even know her. Her stories, her journey, had definitely not been the easiest, and today's post is a very touching one.
See post here: http://oscbb.blogspot.com/2011/06/youre-grand-old-flag.html
Please keep in mind this isn't something I like to openly talk about.
I believe in God, even though my faith hasn't always been something I turn to when I need help. Since meeting with the priest for our wedding I think its something I want to start doing.
I have been hurt, I have been told I was a waste of space. I was with an abusive, hurtful man, that lied and cheated and broke my heart over and over again. I struggle daily to get over this. I think about him, how he lied to me. I think of how I feel like I can't open up to anyone, for fear of people hurting me takes over. I trusted someone and loved someone more than they ever deserved!
I agree with Charlie one hundred percent when she says, "this is what hurts for. Its to help you grow past that person you used to be. To learn why things still hurt, and figure out the best way to heal your heart."
My journey over the past year, since we've been engaged, has been a rough one and its not one that I plan on giving up anytime soon. I am constantly looking for ways to better myself. I have taken days off work to basically lay in bed, take down my flag and fix it. I read a book, I watch movies that make me feel better, I think about my past and ways to make my life better. Last time I did this, I decided it was time to find a new job. I signed up for Early Childhood Classes that start in September and I applied for a few different jobs. If my job isn't making me happy, it needs to go.
Daniel and I have been together for over 3 years. We tend to build up walls between each other. We disagree or fight about something, we add a brick to that wall. We have been working lately to bring our walls down, talking about things brick by brick. Its been working out great for us. The last time we had a fight was about a wedding and the people at it. That was about 5 weeks ago. It took us a long time to take those bricks down. Its a touchy subject, but basically his best friends' wives are clicky and don't include me in anything. I ended up crying in the bathroom because he doesn't understand any of it and we had a fight about it. He will probably never understand because he's never been in that situation, but we talked about it and came up with a semi-solution. He can go out with his friends when they are home, but he can't expect me to go out with him everytime. Its OK for me to say no and do something else. We are definitely getting better about fighting and working things out.
I mean, everyone has their own flag, and brick wall. Everyone needs to take the time to work things out, and mend them. When was the last time you took time to do that?